A really good relationship must be equal at the cognitive level.
above the point
you can listen to it on the green mark
it is often said that people are not destined to be the same person if they do not agree with each other.
in the past, I always thought that the disagreement between people's values was terrible.
I didn't find out until I went through a lot of things and met a lot of people:
what is more frightening to get along with others than the disagreement between the three values is the difference in cognition.
A media magnate once told a story.
in middle school, Jane had a very close friend named Li Xiang.
Li Xiang was successfully admitted to a college in the college entrance examination, but was transferred to a very unpopular major.
Jane's big family said:
"your major is too niche, and employment will be a problem in the future. You should consider changing your major."
as a result, Li wanted to refuse to say:
"No matter what major you are in, as long as you can become a leader in the industry, you will be successful." In an unpopular industry, it may be easier. "
in this way, after four years of college, Li Xileng did not change his major and persisted.
what surprises Jane's family even more is that after graduation, Li Xiang unexpectedly wants to go abroad to study for graduate school and continue his studies.
later, Li Xiang first studied in Japan and then in the United States, all the way to a postdoctoral degree.
Zhen tycoons do not understand Li Xiang more and more, and the two people can't talk about a lot of things together, so their connection gradually fades away.
after that, Li Xiang became a specially appointed expert of the United Nations and a proper social elite. Only then did the Jane tycoon deeply realize:
there is a big difference in cognition between people.
the fundamental reason why Jane cannot understand Li Xiang is that their cognitive level is not at the same level:
in Li Xiang's view, if she invests money in herself when she is young, there will be more returns later, but in the eyes of Jane, only if she saves money can she have sense of security in her life, so she lives a stingy life every day.
in Li Xiang's view, majors are cold and popular, and even unpopular majors will become popular as long as they learn the highest level, but in the eyes of Chen, Li Xiang's decision is too risky, so she took two popular majors, finance and law.
in Li Xiang's view, some advanced technology is abroad, so he must study abroad, but in the eyes of Jane, going abroad means missing out on the most golden period in China.
the reason for the weakening of many friends' relationships is often not because of distance or contradiction, but because of cognitive gap.
so, Jane said with emotion:
"Why should 18 years old be the dividing line between adults and minors?
because it seems that the age after the age of 18 is the age at which the world outlook begins to form.
We have been like-minded friends for more than a decade, but after the age of 18, our differences are getting bigger and bigger. "
the height of the world you see is different with different cognition.
A really good relationship must be equal at the cognitive level.
when two people have different cognitive levels, the communication information is not on the same channel.
there is a question on Zhihu: "what is the experience of being together with people who are not at the same level of cognitive level?"
there is an answer that hits the hearts of the people:
"going home every day is a depressing feeling, tormenting your will and spirit, so that you don't even have the will to speak, but bow your head in silence."
when two people with different perceptions become partners, they are more likely to torture and hurt each other.
when the poet Yu Xiuhua was born, he had cerebral palsy due to lack of oxygen, which made it difficult to move.
at the age of 19, Yu Xiuhua married her husband Yin Shiping, 12 years his senior.
at first, Yu Xiuhua also seriously managed her marriage and devoted herself to her feelings, but it wasn't long before she found that their spiritual worlds were not equal, their cognitive levels were different, and they had nothing to say at all.
Yu Xiuhua is full of talent, likes to write poems, and is delicate in heart, soothing his crippled body by writing poems.
but in the eyes of the husband, writing poetry is just not doing a proper job and cannot support the family.
in the eyes of this man, there has never been art, only life.
Yu Hsiu-Hua doesn't understand her husband's farm work, and neither does Yu Xiuhua's poems.
in the husband's cognition, food and clothing is greater than the spiritual world;
in Yu Xiuhua's understanding, the spiritual world is greater than food and clothing.
although they are a couple living under the same roof, they look like strangers because of their different cognition.
in Yu Xiuhua's view, the lives of men and women are equal, but in her husband's mouth, "women are pigs."
even if the two later divorced, in her husband's opinion, Yu Xiuhua disliked him for being poor.
but in Yu Xiuhua's view, what she pursues is a free soul, not a marriage with shackles.
it shows that the husband will never understand this.
Yu Xiuhua's broken marriage coincides with a sentence:
it is difficult for two people with different perceptions to be lifelong partners.
after living together, two people with different cognitive levels will be constantly contradictory because of the cognitive gap.
I agree with the saying that cognition is an insurmountable gap between people.
A good relationship is not tiring to get along with and never gets tired of being with each other for a long time.
while two people with different perceptions have different views on things, they are destined to be unable to communicate and understand each other..
he can't understand your bitterness; you can't empathize with his loss.
the cognitive gap will build a high wall between two people, and no matter how good the relationship is, it will wear away.
many people have eaten Haidilao, but the story behind the development of Haidilao is actually very tortuous.
after Haidilao was founded, Zhang Yong deeply realized two things:
one thing is that hot pot is bound to become one of people's favorite diets in the future;
another thing is that if Haidilao wants to stand out from the market, it must improve its service standards.
with these two understandings, Zhang Yong locked his eyes on Xi'an and prepared to use Xi'an as a breakthrough to open the market.
in April 1999, Haidilao officially opened its first store in Xi'an.
to Zhang Yong's surprise, Haidilao's development in Xi'an was not smooth, with huge losses for several months in a row.
the biggest problem is that investors in Xi'an do not approve of Haidilao's service model.
in the eyes of investors, giving away fruit and aprons for free is totally unnecessary.
it is a waste of resources for guests to provide free services such as manicure and shoeshine while waiting for dinner.
the most important thing is that they do not think that hot pot will certainly become a favorite diet in the future.
therefore, in the process of business, investors are very timid, haggle and constantly control costs.
after many times of communication, still did not change the cognitive concept of investors, Zhang Yong made up his mind to let investors withdraw, put all his wealth to continue to open a shop in Xi'an.
at this point, Xi'an Haidilao continues to climb, and business is becoming more and more popular.
at the end of 2003, Zhang Yong wanted to go north and open the Beijing market. He felt that only by opening the Beijing market could he open the national market.
the result is the same as that of Xi'an, and it is also blocked by investors in every way.
under fierce opposition, Zhang Yong directly broke up the start-up group, leaving only Shi Yonghong as a partner.
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in July 2004, Beijing Haidilao opened its business. With its "unique" service model, it was a success.
Haidilao ranked among the top three hot pot in Beijing on Dianping.
two people with different levels of understanding are destined not to work together.
in the eyes of people with low cognition, all decisions made by people with high cognition are fantasy and unreasonable.
only people with the same cognitive level can support each other and go further.
the gap between people lies in cognition. In the final analysis, people pay for cognition all their lives.
I would like to give you three suggestions on how to raise awareness.
look at the problem to increase the span
when people encounter problems, they like to think about problems in the current environment and then make judgments.
but time and environment are limited.
the judgment made in the current environment seems to be correct, but it may not be correct if it is placed in a longer time span and a wider space span.
Don't stick to the status quo when something happens, take a long-term view, and force yourself to think deeply.
massive and high-quality reading
Luo Zhenyu once said:
"the factors that affect a person's cognitive level are educational background, parents and social circle, so continuous learning, not giving up growth, and updating knowledge at any time are the channels and ways to upgrade one's cognition."
through a large number of high-quality reading, continue to learn new knowledge, to keep the mind active, rather than rigid.
when you read more books and enrich your knowledge, your cognitive level will naturally be improved.
learn from real masters
Business philosopher Jimmy Ron once said that you are the average of the five people you most often come into contact with.
you will become whoever you are with.
the higher the cognitive level of the people you come into contact with, the faster your cognitive ability will improve, and the more opportunities you can get.
only by working with capable people and learning from the top experts can you continue to outperform yourself in the past.
there is a magnetic field between people. What kind of person you are, what kind of person you will meet.
the lower the cognition, the more complex and stubborn the people you meet.
the higher the cognition, the simpler and more flexible the people you meet.
philosopher Schopenhauer said: "the largest prison in the world is people's consciousness of thinking."
only by constantly upgrading one's cognition can one meet better people and see more beautiful scenery.
, share with your friends.