Marriage is never afraid of interests, which is the premise of a long-term marriage.
above the point
economist Xue Zhaofeng made a remark that touched many people deeply.
"the so-called marriage is just a partnership between two people to set up a business and sign a contract, run a family business, and sign a lifetime wholesale futures contract."
in life, we used to think that marriage should only talk about "love" and avoid "profit".
so that when most couples get along with each other, they are ashamed to open their mouth when it comes to anything other than feelings, even if they do have needs.
do not realize that this kind of marriage, which is sustained only by emotion, is not absolutely secure.
A really long-term marriage needs to be sustained by "interests".
Marriage is the reality of fuel, rice, oil and salt
I have heard such a sentence:
"Love is romantic, marriage is realistic, when the reality of firewood, rice, oil and salt, instead of flowers and under the moon, when all kinds of tenderness are integrated into the fragmentary thoughts of daily life, when everything is dull, we all have to face the truth of life together."
We often think that marriage is to have a true heart and give everything to love, and any problem will be melted by love and solved by love.
but countless facts remind us that "love" will eventually be defeated by the triviality and reality of marriage.
I can't help thinking of the first relationship experience of crosstalk actor Guo Degang.
in 1994, 21-year-old Guo Degang met amateur actor Hu Zhonghui by attending a crosstalk class held by Tianjin Hongqiao Cultural Center.
so, with strong love and beautiful fantasies, the couple, who had only known each other for half a year, got married.
especially after the son was born, the hardship of raising a child and the financial burden put their marriage in jeopardy.
the famous writer Jane Austen once said:
"in marriage, it is absurd to think only about family means, but it is foolish not to consider family means!"
Marriage is not a fairy tale, only people who have been married can understand it. It is a real life based on love.
Love is only the foundation, and its essence is the triviality of chicken feathers and the reality of fuel and salt.
if you rush into this besieged city just because of romantic fantasies, you will eventually be shattered by reality and leave the scene with regret.
"interests" is the basis of marital stability
I have read a story.
A high school classmate made millions in business when he returned home.
at a party, a friend joked with his wife: "Sister-in-law, you must take good care of him in the future, otherwise he may abandon you at any time. After all, people go bad as soon as they have money."
his wife, instead of being angry, replied with a smile on her face:
"I am not worried about this problem at all, he will not be separated from me, because he took the initiative to give me all the client information, in order to reassure me, how could he abandon me?"
years later, as his wife said, the two were still close to each other in love.
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two conversations, although they are jokes between friends, contain a truth:
"interests" is the basis for maintaining the stability of marriage.
the famous philosopher Rohrbacher said: "interests are all the driving forces of human action."
the world is all for profit; the world is bustling for profit.
in contrast, "interests" in marriage not only refer to money, but also include the companionship, encouragement, tolerance, recognition, understanding and respect of loved ones.
the marriage of actress Cai Shaofen and her husband Zhang Jin is a good explanation.
by the time the couple got married, "Niang Niang" Cai Shaofen was already famous, while Zhang Jin was just an unknown young actor.
there was an uproar in public opinion at that time, and many people felt sorry for the "empress" and thought that she had married the wrong person and should not have married this "poor boy" who had nothing and no value.
however, Zhang Jin proved his worth in this marriage with years of tender companionship and meticulous care.
"Niang Niang" was moved to tears by him many times, and she often praised him as a worthy companion in private.
money is only one of the many "benefits" in marriage, it is not the only one.
as far as marriage is concerned, no matter what kind of "benefits" we have, we are more willing to continue when we have "benefits" to receive, and when there is no "benefits" to pursue, the marriage will also fall apart.
"interests", like the glue between husband and wife, timely use will make the relationship more secure.
if you only want to rely on emotion, with the passage of time, each other is doomed to go farther and farther, and love more and more weakly.
is the key to marriage balance and longevity
Roman Roland once said:
"in marriage, everyone has to give and take back something. This is the law of supply and demand."
there is no shortage of such situations around us:
because of love, we give the other person whatever he wants, and even when he doesn't think of what he wants, we give him nothing in return and meet his various needs. As a result, the more you give, the weaker you feel, and the more you pay, the more dangerous your marriage is.
the reason is, on the one hand, we pay too much, but do not get any harvest, gradually tired; on the other hand, the other side for a long time without hard work, gradually take everything for granted.
slowly, when we lose balance with each other, the marriage is doomed to failure. Only when there is a relative balance between gain and effort can the marriage last.
in 2013, director Ang Lee won an Oscar for best director for "the Fantasy of Pi."
when he gave a speech on the stage, he made love to his wife Lin Huijia:
"We will be married for 30 years this summer. I love you."
Ang Lee graduated from New York University in 1985. With the dream of being a big director, he decided to stay in the United States and wait for the opportunity.
in order to support him, his wife moved to New York with him.
there will inevitably be a gap between dream and reality. At that time, Ang Lee not only failed to become a well-known director, but did not have a stable job and had to rely on his wife to support him.
for six years, if Ang Lee only enjoyed "benefits" without doing anything, their marriage would have come to an abrupt end.
but he knows very well that marriage needs to give to each other, and he can contribute even if he has no money.
he cooks at home, picks up children, and contracts household chores. He takes care of everything in the family, large and small, and treats his wife with love and obedience.
after living in a snail for six years, he shot to fame by virtue of the movie "pushing hands".
since then, the duties of the couple have been reversed. He earns money to support the family and his wife takes care of the family.
is the relative balance of long-term "interests", and decades later, they still love it as before.
Ma Xiaohong wrote in the reasons for Marriage:
"when there is an imbalance between expectation and giving, marriage is bound to be out of balance."
We often say that if there is money to contribute, but not money to contribute, it is to prevent each other's "interests" from losing balance.
maybe we will give selflessly because of love, but please don't forget that if you don't ask for anything in return, you will only make the balance of marriage unbalanced and your relationship broken.
Marriage has always been a combination of two complete and independent individuals. Only when "interests" are balanced can the relationship last.
A good marriage is never afraid to talk about "interests"
Japanese novelist Takeshi Osamu said:
"Harmony between husband and wife is the same as friendship. The most happy thing is that both parties do not hide themselves and can get along harmoniously."
I think so.
Marriage is not as sacred as we think, it also needs "interests" like many interpersonal relationships.
only by telling each other honestly what we really need, can he give us the "benefits" we want more accurately, and the relationship between husband and wife will heat up as each other is constantly satisfied.
the so-called marriage is nothing more than supporting and achieving each other.
as the writer Bo Yang said:
"for the continuation of love and the happiness of marriage, the wife must please the husband, and the husband must please the wife."
A perfect marriage is inseparable from giving and pleasing each other, and the first step in pleasing each other is to express "interests" and get to know each other better.
therefore, a good marriage is never afraid to talk about "interests", because "interests" is the premise of a long-term marriage.
, may you be two loving individuals in the same boat; may you also be a "community of interests" to overcome the ups and downs in the journey of the years.