in the vast sea of people, you will find that some people get along with each other comfortably, such as a spring breeze, while some people get along with each other, but they can make people shy away and want to escape every minute.

all this is caused by EQ.

some people say: "IQ determines your lower limit, while EQ determines your upper limit."

in interpersonal relationships, the importance of EQ is self-evident.

whether a person's emotional quotient is high can be seen from the following three points.

Don't be a good man, but know how to refuse when something happens

once read a post on Tianya.

post was sent by a man who bought a new car with a loan. He was so precious that he had to wipe the car clean every day and drive very carefully for fear of touching it.

however, within a few days of driving, a high school classmate came to the door and said he wanted to go home for the Spring Festival and wanted to borrow his car.

of course, he is very unhappy. This is the new car he just bought. If he is cut to pieces, he will be distressed to death.

but despite his reluctance, he said, "No problem, you can take it away!"

seeing that he was so straightforward, the classmates were overjoyed and praised him for being generous and loyal. In this way, he watched helplessly as his classmates drove away in his beloved car.

after the New year, the classmate returned the car to him and told him sheepishly that the car had been scraped. It was obvious that he was distressed, but he floated out of his mouth, "it doesn't matter."

that day, he swore secretly that he would never lend his car to anyone again.

now, he is worried about that classmate coming to borrow the car every day. He was also worried that the car would scratch again in the process of lending the car. for him, the appearance of that classmate had become his nightmare.

in life, many people will do this, worried that if they refuse, the other person will think that they are stingy and will break their good image in the other person's mind.

in fact, the more talkative you are, the less respected you will be, and will only lead to excessive demands on you.

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A bad person is a poison that not only makes you addicted, but also makes the other person addicted to your demands.

the good people who have no boundaries and have a soft heart and do not know how to refuse are the ones who suffer in the end.

people with high EQ are not good people, will not blindly please others, aggrieved themselves, but know how to softly and firmly refuse unreasonable requests.

Don't be reasonable if you are not good at being a teacher.

Confucius said, "if three people walk, there must be my teacher."

that is because of modesty, but many people are blindly arrogant and use their own inherent thinking to "teach" to others.

A girl on Weibo talked about her experience of a blind date:

the girl met a boy through a blind date. For the first time, she had a good impression of the boy. The boy was highly educated and nice, so they added Wechat to each other.

after the chat, the girl found that the boys are always self-righteous and like to tell a lot of truth.

the boy asked the girl, "what would you do if a colleague made it difficult for you?"

the girl said, "I will go back in a joking way."

did not expect this answer, but led to the boy's long lecture: this influence is not good, you are still too simple, your edges will be smoothed out sooner or later.

Confucius said, "if three people walk, there must be my teacher."

that is because of modesty, but many people are blindly arrogant and use their own inherent thinking to "teach" to others.

A girl on Weibo talked about her experience of a blind date:

the girl met a boy through a blind date. For the first time, she had a good impression of the boy. The boy was highly educated and nice, so they added Wechat to each other.

after the chat, the girl found that the boys are always self-righteous and like to tell a lot of truth.

the boy asked the girl, "what would you do if a colleague made it difficult for you?"

the girl said, "I will go back in a joking way."

did not expect this answer, but led to the boy's long lecture: this influence is not good, you are still too simple, your edges will be smoothed out sooner or later.

in the face of such a teacher, the girl decisively cut off contact with him.

there are quite a few such people in our lives.

after you have a drink, he can tell you a lot of ways to keep in good health.

you are tired to say that it is not easy for him to talk to you about survival.

if you are not married at the age of 30, he will talk to you about the problem of providing for the aged.

maybe you're just looking for comfort, but he blocks you back with a big truth.

maybe they have good intentions, but no one will like this way of communication.

it is better to joke than to preach.

Chen Ming once shared a short story of himself in the variety show "Strange work":

one day, when my wife came home from work, she found that the shoes at the door were in a mess, so she blamed Chen Ming loudly.

after hearing this, Chen Ming immediately trotted all the way to the door and said, "who made you angry today?" It's too much. I'll go to him tomorrow. I'll ask him to apologize to you. "

the wife laughed dumbly and all her anger disappeared in an instant.

in many cases, more preaching is not as good as a warm-hearted word.

Mencius said, "the trouble with man is that he likes to be a teacher."

some people like to be arrogant, but don't know it.

and people with high EQ know the world but not the world, even if they have to say it, they will only stop at it.

they will take into account the emotions of others and will not easily teach you or reason with you.

the way to get along with others lies in the word "comfortable".

if you are not a peacemaker, do not persuade others to be magnanimous

I have heard a saying: "Don't persuade others to be magnanimous without suffering."

however, there are many people in this world who like to be peacemakers and persuade people to be magnanimous without knowing anything.Oh, persuade people to put it down.

as the saying goes, "it doesn't hurt to speak standing up."

if the knife is not stabbed at me, of course you can gently say that it is all right.

Bonnie in the TV series "perfect relationship" was born into a patriarchal family.

growing up, parents left everything good to their younger brother and paid little attention to her. Not only that, but when she grew up, her mother always asked her for it without limit.

once, Bonnie's mother came to Shanghai to see her. seeing that her living conditions were good, she offered to give her 100,000 yuan to her brother to take the art exam.

it made her angry.

when I came to Shanghai alone, I had to work three jobs for tuition and living expenses. When you hand out leaflets in the scorching sun of more than 30 degrees, you are almost suffering from heatstroke, but you are still reluctant to buy yourself a bottle of mineral water.

Mom never felt sorry for her hard work, never asked her about her life, but blindly asked her for money. Bonnie, who couldn't stand it, fell out with his mother.

when Bonnie's friends learned about this, instead of comforting her, they blamed her:

"you have to thank your mother, she gave you life, a handful of shit and urine made you grow up, this is the grace of parenting. Now that you have opened your horizons and rich experience, why bother with your mother? Can you be more understanding and more tolerant? "

her friend's words made Bonnie very sad. Her friend didn't know anything about her past, so why should she be lightly advised to be tolerant?

your light words are also a kind of harm to others.

you may never understand the bitterness in other people's hearts. But please be considerate of other people's feelings.

Guo Degang once said:

"what I hate most is to persuade you to be generous and stab you without knowing the situation. before the blood is wiped clean, he said there, be brave in this matter!"

people with high EQ are kind-hearted in promoting themselves and others, and never lightly become peacemakers and embarrass others.

someone said: "when you feel very comfortable with others, it is not necessarily that you share the same interests, but that his EQ is high enough."

people who really have high EQ know how to grasp the yardstick, be measured, make themselves comfortable, and make others comfortable.

Don't be a good man, don't wronge yourself;

it is not good to be a teacher, not to add to the traffic jam;

if you are not a peacemaker, do not embarrass others.

May you and I both become people with high EQ, please ourselves and warm others for the rest of my life.