Do not be framed by the eyes of others, live the most wanton life.
I often hear a saying: "explanation is cover-up, cover-up is truth."
in the past, when you said something and did something, you always cared about what other people thought, for fear of misunderstanding, and tried to explain it.
later I realized that some people don't listen to your explanation, and some people don't need your explanation.
I think so.
people's life is limited, you just take the road under your feet, ignore the gossip, and have a clear conscience.
people who understand you, it goes without saying
there is a question on Zhihu: "do you want to explain if you are misunderstood by a friend?"
A highly praised answer hit the nail on the head: a true friend can read what you mean without you talking.
A long way of life, many people pass you by, and many people work with you.
however, people who can understand your joys and sorrows and know your warmth are hard to find.
in the Spring and Autumn period, Guan Zhong and Bao Shuya hit it off and worshiped each other as bosom friends.
Guan Zhong's family is poor, while Bao Shuya's family is well-off. When the two work together to do business, Guan Zhong doesn't pay as much as Bao Shuya, but if the business makes money, Guan Zhong will get more dividends.
Bao Shuya's men were very angry and reprimanded Guan Zhong for being greedy.
but Bao Shuya explained, "how can he be greedy for this money?" His family had a difficult life, and I voluntarily gave it to him. "
Guan Zhong and Bao Shuya led their troops to fight. Guan Zhong only hid at the end and dared not move forward. At a disadvantage, he immediately flinched and fled.
others laughed at him for being afraid of death, but Bao Shuya defended Guan Zhong: "he has an old mother and an only child in his family. He has a mother to take care of, so he is not really afraid of death."
everyone said that Guan Zhong was incompetent, and only Bao Shuya knew that he had not met anyone he appreciated and had not met the right time.
later, on the recommendation of Bao Shuya, Guan Zhong became the prime minister of Qi, and the two showed their ambitions and made great achievements.
Guan Zhong said with emotion, "the parents who gave birth to me, the ones who knew me, Bao Shuya!"
it's all self-evident to get along with those who are heart to heart.
because I know you, I don't have to explain anything or pretend to be myself.
confide all your grievances and sorrows to him, and he will listen quietly;
share your joy and happiness with him, and he will sincerely bless you.
in front of such people, no matter talking or doing things, they will feel at ease and do not feel tired.
come to think of it, the best tacit understanding in the world is to know each other by heart and warm without words.
people who don't understand you, why explain
A lot of people will hear this sound:
"watching you work so hard every day, you don't make much money?"
"No matter how good skin care products you buy, you are not as beautiful as others. What are you messing with?"
"We've known each other for such a long time, and it's really stingy to worry about such a trifle."
"you're almost 30. If you don't get married, you'll be an old girl!"
I always wanted to explain, but later I found that in the face of people who don't understand you, no matter how many explanations are powerless.
the most difficult thing between people is to understand each other.
most of the time, misunderstanding is the norm of life, and understanding is the accident of scarcity.
once, painter Zhang Daqian held an exhibition in England.
the locals don't know much about traditional Chinese painting. In order to better show the effect, he made a peony picture on the spot.
when he finished his pen, he sprayed it evenly on the paper with water in his mouth, so that the peony, which was a little stiff in the painting, became smart.
when everyone saw this, they were amazed again and again and applauded one after another.
but then suddenly someone said angrily:
"is this the art of painting? It turns out that Chinese painters spray their paintings on tea. It's really ridiculous! "
everyone turned to look at Zhang Daqian, but he smiled and said nothing, ignoring no explanation, just calmly clearing the table.
afterwards, someone asked him:
"everyone knows that this is the method of developing ink in Chinese ink painting. You only need a few words to make him speechless. Why not explain it?"
Zhang Daqian replied with a smile, "Why should I argue with him? if he is interested, he will understand without explanation; if he is not interested, I do not need to explain. I have lost my dignity by arguing with him."
it suddenly dawned on everyone.
the more mature people are, the less they expect to be understood and recognized by everyone.
most of the time, it's not that you're not good enough, but that you haven't met the right person.
so, don't care too much about what other people think. If you know yours, you will understand it, but you won't understand you. No matter how much you explain, it's useless.
then why explain?
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Life is tired enough, don't be swayed by unnecessary people and things, waste time and energy.
in many cases, facts speak louder than words, and they are more powerful than words.
Let go of your obsession with the outside world, and slowly you will understand that some words are meaningful only if you leave them to those who understand.
since the three values are different and there is no way to understand each other, it would be better not to explain and refute it, laugh it off, and try to manage our own small life.
be yourself and have a clear conscience
likes a sentence very much:
"if fromIf you don't live your life for yourself, who else will live for yourself? "
Life is your own, it has nothing to do with others, only you are your own protagonist.
if we always pursue the approval of others and care about their comments, we will eventually live in other people's lives.
so, smart people have learned to be themselves without explanation.
I have seen the movie "Courage to be hated", and there is a scene in which I remember deeply.
Lan Zi, the hostess, stood in line at the cake shop to buy the cake, with two or three people in front of her.
suddenly, a girl rushed to the front of the line and shouted to her mother that she wanted to eat Strawberry Cake.
the people in front of the list, in order to let the girl eat Strawberry Cake, all chose other flavors of cake.
when she came to Lanzi, she decisively bought the piece of Strawberry Cake.
under the surprised eyes of others, she was not the slightest timid, nor did she explain too much, but enjoyed the joy of the cake alone.
in the adult world, not to explain is not to acquiesce, but to have no regrets; silence is not to admit pussy, but to turn a deaf ear.
some people live a miserable life because they are always flaunting themselves with the expectations of others.
do not realize that everyone has his own view of things, and if someone likes you, someone will hate you.
there is no need for anyone to wronge himself in order to cater to others.
other people's comments, no matter how mean are other people's, their own happiness, no matter how simple is also their own.
when you are alive, you can never satisfy everyone. What we can do is to follow our own path.
so relax. Not everyone can go to the bottom of their hearts, and not everything needs to be explained clearly.
since it is inevitable, you might as well be free and easy, let it go, and just be yourself.
the rest of my life is long, and the days to come are not long. If you spend the first half of your life obsessed with trifles, bitter about the troubles in front of you, and exhausted.
then for the rest of your life, you might as well spend more time to please yourself, live whatever you want, not be framed by the eyes of others, and live the most wanton life.
in this way, all the good things in the world will come.