Do not consume others, do not delay others, is a kind of true kindness.
on the weekend, I took the children to play in the playground, and at the entrance to the slide lay a little boy who was in a bad mood with his mother.
A little girl wanted to go over and saw that he was in the way, so she hit the boy when she went up there.
the hand fell on the boy's chest, the girl was young, and the strength was not great. The little boy was a little confused and sat up at once.
when the boy's mother saw this, she immediately yelled at him, "you hit her, won't you call back if she hits you?" You are a man, don't embarrass me!
the little boy didn't feel it. When his mother yelled at him, his little face turned red and began to cry at the top of his voice.
when he went to his mother crying, his mother was still talking about the boy: he was cowardly, he wouldn't listen, and he would be bullied wherever he went.
the girl was dragged by her mother to apologize, but the boy's mother ignored it and yelled at her son.
the parents next to him couldn't watch any more, and someone whispered, "hold him, he's already aggrieved."
the little boy was not only aggrieved physically, but also had nowhere to talk psychologically, so his emotions were naturally suppressed in his heart and could only be vented with unstoppable tears.
watching this scene, I suddenly feel distressed.
feel sorry for the child who was wronged and helpless after being yelled at, and the mother who knew nothing about her child's grievances.
A third of parents' temper will do great harm to their children.
the three most useless methods of education in the world are: being reasonable, losing your temper, and deliberately moving.
especially when parents lose their temper and reason with their children.
as soon as you begin to question and preach, the child will realize that you do not understand TA, and will form psychological resistance and become more hysterical.
Alberta Meribin, an American linguist, proposed a famous communication formula:
Total effect of communication = 7% language + 38% tone + 55% facial expression.
from this formula, we can see that tone accounts for a large proportion, which will affect the effect of communication.
and more important are non-verbal information, such as changes in facial expressions and body language.
and hugging is the most direct way for children to get care and comfort from others.
as Sun Li once wrote on Weibo:
"when a child has feelings of discontent, anger, or sadness, all he needs is a hug from you.
Don't preach, understand him from his point of view, support him, encourage him, and talk about the big things when they are in a good mood. "
her picture shows the child clasping her shoulder and lying in her arms, believing that she will soon calm down, and that when her mother finds the right time to be reasonable, she will be willing to communicate.
sometimes, I can't help losing my temper with my daughter. I may say, "what's the matter with you?" She would cry with grievance.
when I realized that I was not speaking properly and quickly opened my arms and approached her, she would immediately jump into my arms and explain to me what she had done before. if she was wrong, she would soon apologize.
on the way to parenting, most people improvise, as many mothers say, you can't do it without yelling.
Yes, you're not fighting alone. Most parents yell at their children sometimes.
some institutions have conducted a survey, and the data show that
more than 89% of parents across the country yell at their children in the process of educating their children. The younger the parents are, the more likely they are to yell at their children.
in the past two years, 150 pairs of parents in Chengdu signed in to join the "ring howling group". In the end, none of them succeeded, no matter what career they were engaged in, no matter whether they had one treasure or two treasures at home.
many parents say that every time they yell at their children and look at them, they regret and feel guilty. But when the next anger strikes, I still can't contain it.
so, yell at the child-- regret and guilt-- yell at the child again and again, over and over again.
parents are getting angrier and angrier and their children are getting farther and farther away from you.
there is a little boy in the neighbor's house who is yelled at by his parents all day because of his poor grades.
every time I see him, he looks timidly at people. Once when he was scolded by his family, he almost ran away from home. In his composition, he compared his angry father to a "monster".
Children who are hurt by their parents' yelling are filled with fear and even tremble.
on @ everyone, Tao Hong shared an experience of yelling at her children.
because her daughter accidentally spilled milk before going out, she yelled at her daughter, but her daughter was so frightened that she dared not speak, and her eyes were so frightened that she forgot to cry.
Tao Hong immediately realized that she was wrong.
the impact of this fear is not short-term.
actor Chen Qiaoen once said in an exclusive interview that she could not forget the look in her mother's eyes when she was angry with her in her childhood. She did not learn to communicate with her mother since childhood, and she was so serious that she could not get along with the people around her.
in addition to psychological harm, to some extent, shouting is really "corporal punishment" that can cause physical harm.
Martin A. Teicher, associate professor of medicine at Harvard, after more than ten years of research, found that
people who often suffer from parents' verbal violence have brain structure damage, including both the superior temporal gyrus region related to verbal IQ and the hippocampus, the key brain area of memory formation.
the harm of roaring is irreversible and may even affect a child's life.
and shouting is often effective only in the short term, not an effective way of education.
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psychologist Piaget once said: childZi can only see the world from himself.
Nhat Hanh said: "to anyone, the most precious gift we can give is our attention."
when our minds embrace our loved ones, they bloom like flowers. "
what we need to do is to follow the child's eyes, to understand his thoughts and feelings, to adjust his emotions, and to be more patient with the child.
the next time you want to yell, try the following method.
ask yourself who you are angry with first
it may not be your child at all, but your boss, spouse or your parents, etc. Don't take it out on your child at this time.
calm down for a few minutes and come back later
if you feel that you are about to erupt and those very harmful words should be blurted out, then leave for a while, calm yourself down and come back.
Don't forget that one of the goals of discipline is to teach children to control themselves. Children can imitate. Adults should lead by example and learn anger management.
squat down, maintain a height with the child, hug and listen, and think from the child's point of view
focus on your child's needs and hug him when he or she is in a mood.
use feedback listening to express your child's thoughts and feelings according to your own understanding, then ask your child for confirmation, read his heart, and empathize with your child's feelings.
keep your voice down, and the same words can be said in a firm and calm tone
whispering can also be a substitute for roaring. Children are sharp and sensitive, so they should know how to respect them and not hurt them.
have love in your heart when disciplining, with empathy, and encourage your children at the right time
encouragement is not just verbal praise, don't forget that your tone of voice, facial expression and body posture all reveal how you feel.
try to make the child bear the consequences of mischief
is not to allow the situation to turn into conflict and out of control.
parents and children should be connected with tenderness, not anger.
when you start to reduce the number of yelling, or not to yell, you will feel the great positive impact of this change on the health and well-being of family members.
what you give to your children will be a gift handed down from generation to generation.
what you get will be a healthy and happy child.