May we treat every relationship a little lighter and slower.
above the point
you can listen to it on the green mark
broadcast good news
read at ten o'clock
Cai Kangyong once said: "I encourage everyone to be a cold person. Being too enthusiastic is not the way to maintain a good relationship."
We used to think that enthusiasm is the magic weapon to maintain a relationship.
when we get deeper into the world and suffer losses, we will understand:
when dealing with all relationships, you must stop when you have enough and don't lose your discretion.
in this hot and dry world, I advise you to be a colder person and treat the people around you a little less.
excessive enthusiasm is a disaster
Chen Guo wrote such a sentence in "good Solitude":
"people, like two kingdoms, should maintain broad, natural and comfortable territories, and even have a neutral zone between them."
between people, no matter how good the relationship is, you should hold it.
excessive enthusiasm and concern can be counterproductive.
see such a story on Zhihu.
A netizen's home needs to be decorated. When her best friend knew about it, she volunteered to help.
when visiting the building materials market, her best friend enthusiastically explained to netizens the quality and effect of various materials.
her best friend asked her to wear a modern, minimalist style, and there must be a cloakroom in order to look stylish.
because they live with their parents, netizens don't want a cloakroom. When netizens try to explain their desired style and layout to their girlfriends, their girlfriends give negative opinions without even thinking about it:
"the style you want is not suitable. You have to do what I say to make it work better. I am more experienced than you."
then her best friend began to describe the location of the furniture to netizens, and gave her own opinions on the color of the sofa and the design and color of the wallpaper.
but netizens could not accept such "enthusiasm" at all, because it was not what she wanted, so the two quarreled.
finally, the two broke up in discord.
in interpersonal communication, people who think they know you very well will unwittingly interfere with your choices and negate your choices.
do not realize that if the yardstick of enthusiasm is not properly grasped, it is easy to be self-defeating and offensive.
Bi Shumin said, "keeping a close distance is the most appropriate way to communicate."
the most harmonious relationship between people is not to impose their own ideas on each other blindly.
what you think is "good for him" may not be really "good for him".
excessive concern is an invisible burden that can make people out of breath.
Are you ready to buy a magnificent off the shoulder prom dresses that will make you stand out in any crowd? Take time to enjoy in these collections!
everything goes too far, it is necessary to pay attention to a degree, this kind of relationship is the most comfortable.
Don't get to know someone too quickly
I once saw such a sentence on the Internet: "people who are very enthusiastic when they just know each other often have a purpose."
overzealous "self-familiarity", mostly "pretend" friends, cannot stand the test.
screenwriter Ma Weidu has shared such a story.
A girl who has just entered the workplace made a "good friend" who was familiar with each other just a few days after she entered the job.
she regards her friend as family. They go to work together, eat together every day, and go shopping with each other arm in arm on weekends.
she talks about everything about "good friends", from living habits to some secrets of her family, and sometimes even which colleagues she hates in the company and the embarrassing things that have happened to her leaders.
later, the company came to a big client, who can sign this client, not only a generous commission, but also the promotion of the position.
she and her "good friend" both want to sign the big order, but only one person is destined to succeed.
none of them would give in, and they were all determined to surpass the other.
because of this incident, the original "good friend" completely fell in love with her, and from then on, the relationship between the two was like a stranger.
but the "little secrets" that once witnessed their friendship turned out to be a joke between their weapons of belittling each other and their colleagues in the company.
as the saying goes, "A shallow friendship is not a deep one."
Don't rush to dig your heart out before you get to know it; don't rush to tell your heart before you know it.
otherwise, if you tell the whole story without reservation, you may just get attacked on your own back and abdomen.
Sanmao said: "when young people make friends, they are eager to live and die together day and night."
the establishment of a relationship, you can't rush to your bosom friend at the beginning and trust your heart at will.
do not realize that indifference after a deep acquaintance is the most hurtful.
Adult relationships are from shallow to deep, and they don't come up with relatives because they know that there will be a long time to come.
those who approach you ten times faster,
will also leave at ten times the speed
I quite agree with one sentence:
Adult relationships are gradual. Those who are close to you ten times faster will leave you at some point in the future.
the relationship between many people seems unbreakable, but in fact it is a piece of loose sand, and it will be gone at the slightest move.
there is a netizen on Zhihu who told such a true story about himself.
when he was in his first year of junior high school, his father resigned from the bank that everyone envied and went into business.
in the past, relatives who had nothing to do and went shopping with their mother and their father for dinner and drink suddenly disappeared into their lives and could not see anyone during the holidays.
the former full house also became so deserted that my father had to sell the house to pay his debts, and the family was forced to live in a humble tube building.
in order to change the status quo as soon as possible, his father often runs business day and night, so he has to stay with his second aunt and pay his living expenses every month.
No, the second aunt, who used to praise him for being sensible, was like a different person, cynical at light and shouting at others.
when her child is full of fish and meat, he only has a bowl of Rice Congee pickles.
the days were getting harder and harder, and my father had to sell the family's last house.
before life changed, the house let a cousin stay temporarily, because without the house, the cousin's sister-in-law would not marry him.
sometimes, it is not the sincerity, but the interest, that keeps the relationship together.
those who come to flatter you when you are happy will also avoid it when you are down and out.
as Yang Jiang said, "only if you are humble, you have the most opportunity to see the truth of human feelings in the world."
when there is a full moon, everyone is happy, but only when the wind and rain are in flux, can we see clearly the nature of human beings.
time will tell us who is hypocritical and who is sincere in meeting each other.
A good relationship is a gradual and orderly process, rather than a quick start without an end.
good feelings: light acquaintance, take your time
Tai Zaizhi wrote in disqualification: "No matter who you are too enthusiastic about, it increases the probability of not being cherished."
I have deep feelings.
in life, some people can only see from afar but not near; some words can only be said slowly.
if you come enthusiastically, you may not be able to last for a long time; if you are not far or near, you may not leave the score soon.
No matter what the relationship is, start slowly and get along with each other more slowly.
Friends, light friends, slow times, can last long.
feelings, shallow taste, fine taste, only have aftertaste;
May we treat every relationship lightly and slowly for the rest of our lives.