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someone once commented on Cai Kangyong's way of saying:

"teacher Cai Kangyong is a 'relationship master'. He has an insightful view of the world and talks like spring breeze and rain."

it is well known that Cai Kangyong can talk.

but his ability to speak is not witty, but with compassion, knowing not to do to others what he does not want to do to others, and the right silence.

in the final analysis, it is not difficult to speak, but it is difficult to grasp the balance between speaking and not speaking.

knowing not to ask is a kind of self-cultivation

Saint Wang Yangming once said:

"both internal and external gains are beneficial to gain."

this sentence means:

to be a man and do things, we should not only pay attention to the inner mind, but also pay attention to the ways and methods.

especially in speaking, we should pay more attention to the method between speaking and not speaking.

I was deeply moved when I saw the stories of writers Ba Jin and Liu Baiyu on the Internet.

in 1962, Binbin, the son of Liu Baiyu, had a terminal heart attack. With a glimmer of hope, he took the whole family to Shanghai for treatment.

during the treatment, his friend Ba Jin and his wife visited several times, and each visit, Ba Jin never took the initiative to ask about Binbin's illness, but silently held Liu Baiyu's hand.

for Liu Baiyu and his wife, their son's illness is an unspeakable pain at the bottom of their heart, and the touch of anyone is enough to make them burst into tears.

Ba Jin undoubtedly understood this point, so he never mentioned it from the beginning to the end.

Liu Baiyu is deeply grateful for Ba Jin's many visits and companionship.

and Ba Jin only said faintly:

"nothing, I just happen to be free to keep you company."

in the face of great difficulties in life, constant consolation is not the best policy, and restraint without asking is the most precious companionship.

A cultured person doesn't say anything, but makes everything decent and deeply rooted in the hearts of the people.

writer Jia Pingwa once told a story about a man who stuttered. One day when he was walking with a friend, he met another stutterer and asked for directions.

the friend who stuttered kept silent all the time. Afterwards, his friend asked and said, "people stutter too. If I answer, he will think that I am imitating and teasing him

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the story is short, but profound.

sometimes, it is better not to ask a thousand words.

not asking is not unconcerned, but is aware of each other's emotions, can not bear to ask, for fear of saying the wrong word, hurt each other again.

cultured people have empathy when others are in trouble, and know that silence is more powerful than comfort.

there are always difficulties in life. You can be a wise man if you know it without asking.

it is a measure to see through and keep quiet

there was a topic on Weibo:

"what kind of people hate most in life?"

there is a highly liked answer:

"A party pooper."

the so-called party pooper, sometimes he negates what others say;

sometimes he sees through when everyone has a tacit understanding.

such a story has been circulated on the Internet:

there are several strangers eating at the same table, everyone is embarrassed because they don't know each other.

everyone laughed together, but a man suddenly said, "it's a joke from hundreds of years ago. is it so funny?"

as soon as these words came out, the field that had just warmed up suddenly cooled down.

in life, there are indeed a lot of such people, who always break the words of others at the wrong time. They seem to be smart, but they are actually quite annoying.

most of the time, it is not difficult for us to see through one thing, but it is difficult to restrain our inner desire to show off and see through others.

leaving leeway in words and doing things, seeing through and not saying anything is the measure that we must master when dealing with others.

before Meng Fei became famous, he was invited to a program to serve as a live emcee.

at that time, Meng Fei had just switched from journalism to the entertainment industry, hosting entertainment programs was so unfamiliar that he often couldn't pick up.

there were also many people at the scene who thought that his reaction was too slow to keep up with the pace, and there was a lot of talk.

Gao Lingfeng on the bench saw through his embarrassment, but did not speak bluntly, but jokingly said:

"after I have finished, I will trouble Meng Fei to add that it can serve as the finishing touch."

this sentence eased some awkward scenes at that time and rescued Meng Fei, who was at a loss.

as an elder, Gao Lingfeng did not strongly criticize him by virtue of his qualifications, but gave Meng Fei a very measured step, so that to this day, Meng Feidu is still very grateful for his silence at that time.

sometimes, people's desire for expression is difficult to control, and those who know how to restrain and see through without telling, have mastered the way of speaking, but also have compassion for others.

to see through and know how to keep silent at the right time is the right way to speak and do things.

indisputable knowledge is a kind of wisdom

there is a saying in Daojing:

"the husband only does not argue, so the world can not fight with it."

in popular terms, even if you don't argue with others, others can't argue with you, so naturally no one can compete with you.

eloquent and eloquent, it is true that he is welcome, but reason is not disputed.Is the great wisdom.

during the reign of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, there was a prime minister named Gong Sun Hong.

he has always been highly valued by Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, and he was blocked even when he did not have any major military achievements, and his life was quite satisfactory.

and the reason why he is so smooth is his indisputable wisdom.

Gong Sun Hong was born in poverty and has always been very frugal, even after becoming prime minister.

at that time, a du Wei did not understand and thought he was very affected, so he complained to Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty:

"isn't it obvious that Gong Sun Hong is deceiving people with such a high salary and building a rag quilt?"

Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty asked Gong Sun Hong if Gong Sun Hong said bluntly, as du Wei said,

"it is true that as prime minister, I am covered with a cloth quilt, which is really detrimental to my imperial authority. Thanks to Ji an's advice, his Majesty can hear these truths."

opinions are refuted by colleagues during every discussion, and Gong Sun Hong never argues.

when Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty asked him why he did not argue, he replied:

"those who know me will naturally know my loyalty, and those who don't will think I'm unfaithful."

in the repeated heckles of his colleagues, Gong Sun Hong retreated for progress and gained a reputation for modesty and generosity in the heart of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty, so his official fortune was prosperous and went smoothly.

sometimes, not arguing is not confused, but a rare insight and wisdom.

A gentleman is harmonious but different, and there is no need for a strong fusion of ideas. Really smart people never spend time arguing.

not all fish live in the same ocean, just as not all people live at the same level.

there is a lot of trouble in the world of mortals, and only by not arguing too much with people of different heights can we be free and comfortable in the world.

it is not only a kind of wisdom that can do no harm, but also a lifetime of spiritual practice.

Emperor Liang Yuan once said:

"words and deeds lie in beauty, not in quantity."

this "beauty" lies in the sense of proportion of speech.

speaking or not, including communication skills, but also highlights the wisdom of human skill.

the highest state of life is not profound knowledge, nor the rich, but knowing that enough is enough.

only by not poking people short, not revealing people's privacy, and not debating people's differences can we be transparent and clear in the world.

May we all cultivate ourselves seriously for the rest of our lives, have the self-cultivation that we know not to ask, master the discretion to see through, and be full of wisdom that is reasonable and indisputable!

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