After shutting down my moments for a month, I realized these hidden social rules.
After shutting down my moments for a month, I realized these hidden social rules.
Being alone is not alone, but a kind of growth.

read at ten o'clock



do you like browsing moments?

I like it very much, and it can even be said that it is heavily dependent on users in moments.

but gradually, I found that WeChat business, advertising, news and other information began to fill the moments.

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the content of sharing life in moments is less, and the content of hostility and negative energy is increasing.

this person has been promoted and raised again, and what big news has happened to that person? everyone has become impetuous and anxious.

when a person wastes all his time focusing on others, it's hard to focus on who he is right now.

so I tried to shut down my moments for a month, and there were a lot of unexpected gains.

from this, I have summed up these three interpersonal suggestions to share with you.

Don't have to compare, get rid of anxiety

the Oscar-winning live-action short film neighbor's window tells such a story.

the hostess is an ordinary housewife. She cooks, takes care of three children and tidies up the room. Her life is warm and trivial.

one day, through the window, she saw the life of the young couple in the opposite neighborhood.

they drink and chat, sing and dance, hug and kiss enthusiastically and are full of friends. Life was so colorful that the hostess envied it.

look at yourself on this side of the window.

every day I revolve around three children, dealing with all kinds of family affairs, and I am very busy.

No comparison, no harm. Compared with the life on the other side of the window, the hostess's mood is getting worse and worse.

until one day, she saw the man in the neighbor lying on the bed with a shaved head, looking in bad shape.

the woman on the other side often has a heavy heart and weeps bitterly. Later, two people came and carried away the



the hostess was bewildered and followed downstairs. Unexpectedly, the woman opposite recognized herself and said:

"do you live in the opposite building? Your three children are so cute. We often sneak a peek at the happy life of your family. I really envy you. "

it turned out that the man in the opposite building was terminally ill and knew that time was running out, and the couple had been trying their best to find happiness.

by contrast, the small life of being stable and trivial has become a life that others cannot have.

the person you admire on weekdays may be envious of you, which the hostess has never thought of.

A window, two families, the happiness in comparison is very much like our circle of friends.

outsiders can see the glorious life, but not their frustrated daily life hiding in the corner.

life. People often insist on making comparisons with people in their circle of friends.

when you finally get a promotion and a raise, you open your moments only to find that your former classmates are already financially free.

when your husband gives you a lipstick on Valentine's Day, you open your moments only to find that your best friend's boyfriend has given her a car.

when your child finally passes the exam, opens the moments and finds that your neighbor's child has already won the Olympic gold medal.

people never see those who are worse off than themselves, only those who are better off than us.

as a result, compared with the past, more and more unbalanced, more and more sad, more and more anxious.

Happiness comes from non-comparison.

if you are also suffering from comparison at the moment, you might as well turn off your moments and don't look, don't want to, don't compare.

No need to please, just do as you please

some time ago, my friend A came to me angrily and told me that she had just blocked our mutual friend B.

it turned out that A was in a good mood and posted two selfies in moments.

B comments at the bottom: you are so ugly, who gives you the courage to take selfies?

whether it is joking or sarcasm, An is suddenly angered by this comment and directly blackens the other party.

there are countless complicated social interactions hidden in Wechat moments.

sending a selfie and writing a mood is bound to be discussed and evaluated.

when you post on WeChat moments, you will care what others think of you; when you read WeChat moments, you will judge what kind of person they are.

comment on other people's circle of friends, you will worry about saying the wrong thing; do not comment on other people's circle of friends, and worry about whether it will be too cold.

moreover, among the hundreds of contacts in the moments, not all of them are friends.

at first, there were only their own bosom friends and friends in the circle of friends, but later, there gradually became more family members, relatives, classmates and colleagues.

later, customers at work, old classmates in WeChat business, and big brothers selling insurance on the street have all become members of your circle of friends.

the reserved land of speaking freely becomes formal and uneasy, and there are some things you can't say, dare not say, and don't want to say.

the hostess is a very kind and good old man in the Japanese drama "the New Life of Kun".

observation and carefulness are the whole state of her life and work.

in order to have a good relationship with her colleagues, she is willing to be a "scapegoat";

take selfies together, even if she closes her eyes, she won't say anything more;

I will give likes to all my friends every day for fear that others will be dissatisfied with her and leave her alone.

such a jittery social state is too complicated and too tired.

in fact, real feelings are not maintained by likes in moments.

A relationship that is constantly ingratiating or overthinking can be said to be meaningless and will not last long.

"Don't chase a horse, use the time to chase a horse to recommend it. When the spring blossoms next year, there will be a number of fine horses for you to choose."

instead of being held back by uncomfortable and unhealthy relationships, it is better to quit your circle of friends and have a relaxed mind.

take the time to improve yourself, there is no need to please and cater, when you become good, there will be good people close to you.

Don't be gregarious, stay awake and free

some people say:

"the biggest problem of this era is that there is too much information, too little thinking, always online, and interference at any time."

low-quality gregariousness is not as good as high-quality solitude. People should learn to be alone and cultivate the ability to be alone.

the separation of moments is the first step to stay awake alone.

in the minds of many viewers, 66-year-old Chen Daoming has always been a clean stream.

in career, he constantly sharpens his acting skills; emotionally, he doesn't like socializing and often accompanies his wife; in life, he loves being alone and likes reading, practicing calligraphy and playing the piano.

close your heart inside and observe the world outside. Know the world but not the world, in the rivers and lakes and far away.

Zhuangzi said: "communicate with the spirit of heaven and earth alone."

only when alone can the mind swim between heaven and earth, talk to life and the universe, and discover the beauty of all things in the world.

in this life, the circle lies not in the big, but in the appropriateness, and in the sincerity, not in the number of friends.

"the rabble" said: "as soon as people arrive in the group, their IQ drops seriously. in order to gain recognition, individuals are willing to abandon right and wrong and use their IQ in exchange for a sense of belonging that makes people feel safe."

when you are alone, you have more room to think rationally and calmly.

the point of staying alone is not to waste your time in other people's lives because of the so-called "gregariousness".

disdain to drown out one's own inner voice in the thinking of others;

will not assimilate themselves in exchange for the trust of general acquaintances, but become mediocre and narrow.

if you aspire to such a state, then I encourage you to be a loner.

I believe that being alone is not alone, but a kind of growth.

Sanmao said:

"friend relationship, the most beautiful lies in the icing on the cake, the most valuable lies in providing charcoal in the snow. The best of friends, such as good tea, light but not astringent, fragrance but not to the nostrils, slowly floating, like a long stream. "

moments and group chatting are nothing more than tools to maintain a relationship.

True friends are never in the circle of friends, but in your heart and in your life.

closing your moments is not the ultimate goal. Stop being over-reliant on it and get rid of negative emotions.

return to the essence of life, give more attention to the people around you, quietly watch a flower bloom, taste a cup of tea, life, it is in such little things, become happy and rich.

, may our moments be clean and comfortable!