Don't lose your original self in the world.
above the point
you can listen to it on the green mark
Last night you chatted with me about the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law encountered by your newly married best friend.
you look sad, worried that you will also encounter "entangled evil mother-in-law" in the future, and lamented that "daily fear of marriage and pregnancy."
I laughed at you for thinking too much, but before I went to bed, this topic disturbed me.
you will get married sooner or later, and you will face the trivialities in your marriage sooner or later.
after thinking about it, I might as well take this opportunity to have a good talk with you about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
first, you have to remember:
Don't be stupid enough after marriage,
treat your mother-in-law as your own mother
May 23, Yao Chen's 90-year-old mother-in-law is ill
she posted on Weibo with sincere feelings:
"We are not only mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also best friends in life.
Dear Ms. Ding Lang, my dear mother, I am honored to be a family with you in this life. Always remember your warm smile, we will meet again. "
as an experienced person, my mother can realize how rare it is for Yao Chen to say that she is not only a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also a best friend in life.
I remember that in 2014, a magazine specifically interviewed the story of Yao Chen and her mother-in-law.
at that time, Yao Chen had just experienced a failed marriage and was in love with her current husband, Cao Yu, but she dared not get married again.
therefore, Ding Lang repeatedly liberated Yao Chen and personally accompanied his son to Yao's home to propose, with great sincerity.
in order to eliminate Yao Chen's "fear of marriage", Ding Lang asked his son to draw up a "loyalty agreement" that was very unfair to him:
"Yao Chen is in charge of family finance after marriage, and the house and car change Yao Chen's name; she is single-minded and does not have an ambiguous relationship with the opposite sex; in the event of divorce, she is willing to go out of the house."
none of this was asked by Yao Chen on her own initiative. Ding Lang's approach showed her the thoughts and feelings of her future mother-in-law.
so Yao Chen completely let go of the knot and walked into love hand in hand with Cao Yu.
you may think that a mother-in-law who can do so must be 100% satisfied with her daughter-in-law.
in fact, Ding Lang is gradually picky about Yao Chen, who doesn't look like a "female star" at home.
she began to dislike Yao Chen for not washing or wearing makeup when she got up in the morning, but sitting in front of the computer browsing Weibo in her crumpled pajamas.
hate Yao Chen's lack of hygiene, picking up and biting apples bought home without washing them.
annoyed with her carefully prepared meals, Yao Chen is always picky and always turns her son around.
if it were you and me, I would be picky about you everywhere. You must be full of complaints and keep your heart closed.
but Yao Chen grabbed her mother-in-law and explained to her with a friendly smile:
"Mom, don't treat me like a star in the future. I'm just an ordinary woman with shortcomings, joys and sorrows."
Ding Lang, who was touched, also reflected on his excessive intervention.
that's true. When two generations live together, there must be conflicts in living habits and dietary tastes, and there is no right or wrong. As long as it's out in the open, the little things will eventually melt.
but it doesn't make sense if you treat your mother-in-law as your own mother and expect her to tolerate all your ailments without hesitation without explanation.
if you are close, you will give birth to death, but if you are close, you will not be bad. Respect and acceptance are the prerequisites for all ways of getting along.
second, you have to understand:
Mother and daughter are related by blood,
while mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have social relations
remember that in the variety show "Friends Please listen up", a girl
call to talk to you:
Looking for a stylish fairytale prom dress to highlight your gorgeous body? They are perfect for any occasion.
she and her mother-in-law clashed constantly because of their different parenting ideas.
whenever she gives more scientific advice, her mother-in-law will stubbornly criticize her with her experience in raising her son. "what do you know? you see, my son is not looking good now."
from a distance, my mother-in-law doesn't like me. Such a tit-for-tat relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very painful.
he Jiong first enlightened and relieved the girl in view of the contradiction in parenting, and then her views on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law touched a lot of people.
"it's not my mother's fault that my mother-in-law doesn't like her daughter-in-law.
being liked by her mother-in-law is actually the skill of daughter-in-law, not her mother-in-law's duty. "
although this remark sounds impersonal at first glance, it is a true portrayal.
two strange women are connected because of the same man. You can't ask someone you've never met before to like you.
there are always frictions in life. You have quarreled with me countless times since you grew up, but contradictions come and go quickly. In the end, you basically won't remember the reason or leave estrangement.
all your bad emotions can be shown to your mother, and you can take your mother's efforts for granted, but your mother-in-law is not.
and, take root in your heart and make the relationship more ossified when the next conflict breaks out.
so, you have to be measured.
be polite, understand in one's shoes, deal with it calmly with peace of mind, and face it calmly with tolerance.
Don't worry too much about who you are.
sometimes, there is a further "loss", a step back and a step back "gain".
insisting on intimacy will only wring.
third, never compete for favor with your husband
told his own story.
one weekend, my mother-in-law went to see the house they were decorating. The house was in such a mess that she didn't have time to pick up many clothes, so her mother-in-law took the initiative to iron her clothes.
her mother-in-law asked her which clothes to wear to work on Monday. Lu Lu picked out a dress and went to work.
when she finished looking for her mother-in-law, she found that she was wearing presbyopic glasses to mend her son's socks. The ironing shelf was put away, and the hill-like clothes were half ironed and half left.
my husband's clothes have been picked out by her mother-in-law and ironed and hung in the wardrobe. Lu Lu's clothes have only been ironed out.
when Lu Lu came back from work the next day, her mother-in-law had ironed her clothes and hung them up.
but she just doesn't feel well.
she said this to an elderly friend, and her friend woke her up with words:
"your mother-in-law and her son were together for thirty years before you. How many thirty years are there in life?
it makes no sense for you to compare yourself with the flesh and blood that fell from her, to compare the degree of concern. "
someone in Zhihu once asked, "when did you feel like an outsider in your mother-in-law's house?"
the answer to high praise is as follows:
"I would also like to ask, girls, when will you understand that you are an outsider in your mother-in-law's family?" Don't compare yourself to other girls and sons everywhere.
how could they be so kind to you if they didn't give birth to you and didn't raise you since childhood? Unless you pay her, just like her boss.
you are simple and kind, so you think that if you are good to her, she will be nice to you, which is not right. For example, in a relationship between men and women, if you chase a man and love him desperately, will he certainly accept you? "
so, daughter, when you start a family, don't measure your mother-in-law's feelings for you by how much she pays to you and your husband.
this may make you feel lonely, but it will help you free yourself from unnecessary fantasies and get rid of complaining, loss and depression.
it is impractical to take the same number of steps when there are obviously two roads of different lengths.
teacher Lu Qi said that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law does not have the stability of parent-child relationship, nor the intimacy of spouse relationship.
you and your mother-in-law have never had, and it will be difficult to establish an intimate relationship, but you have to get along with each other in an intimate relationship.
however, do not feel cool and thin, feelings will continue to heat up in the peaceful relationship, each other pay sincerely, will certainly warm up three groups of families.
look at these warm little stories.
@ is the Tina:
"before I met my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law put the picture of me and his son in the living room, together with the picture of my family."
@ Flower nerves:
"when I first started living together, my mother-in-law washed my underwear, but my mother never washed my underwear. I was very moved at that time."
I am more than four months pregnant now. My mother-in-law booked me a private hospital and a monthly child center. I know she is not rich. I want to refuse to borrow money to pay all the money, but my mother-in-law said:
"I should try my best to make you suffer less. Money is not a problem. You don't have to worry. I can solve it." I am grateful to meet such a mother-in-law. I can't count her kindness to me.
"when I was pushed out of the delivery room by the nurse, the first thing I saw was my tearful mother-in-law. She said to the nurse,'I'll push, our child is aggrieved', and then burst into tears."
@ Zhihu user:
"my mother-in-law is already a model for my mother's family, and my mother is completely inferior to herself. So every time I see my mother, what my mother says most is that my mother-in-law is so kind. Let me be nice to her. "
there is mercy before filial piety.
put it together, everyone will be happy.
Dear daughter, if you meet a mother-in-law with a different frequency in the future, it is enough to keep your distance and be worthy of your role as a "daughter-in-law".
if you are lucky to have a mother-in-law who resonates on the same frequency, then your mother congratulates you in advance and there will be two "real mothers" to protect you in the future.
Don't ask for love like mother and daughter, just compare your heart to heart.
A woman's life is not limited to "husband, child, mother-in-law, housework".
Don't lose yourself in the secular world.
Love your mother