When you are alive, you nourish the mind and cultivate the state of mind.
there is such a short story, which has been circulated on the Internet for a long time. Every time I see it, I feel deeply.
A young man asked the old man for advice:
"Sir, I have been in the world for almost thirty years, but I still haven't learned to deal with people.
whether as a child or as an adult, whether with friends, relatives, classmates, colleagues, or people who have just met, they always fail to keep a good balance in dealing with others, and in the end, they either hurt each other or themselves.
you are a wise man. Can you tell me how to deal with people in this life? "
the old man was silent for a long time and said four words: "think of yourself as others, others as yourself, others as others, and yourself as yourself."
A few words seem to be playing with words, but they include all the philosophies of life.In fact, there are only two kinds of people in the bustling world, one is themselves, the other is others.
all the contradictions in the world are nothing more than these four types of contradictions after this arrangement and combination.
as long as we clarify the relationship between them and know how to constantly change their way of thinking, many contradictions and difficulties will be easily solved.
think of yourself as someone else
have you ever had such an experience?
some opportunities, obviously close at hand, are still hesitant, and finally watch the opportunities fall to others.
some attempts, others say you can, but you struggle over and over again, you can always find all kinds of reasons to prove that you can't.No matter what happens, you always deny yourself before others. Even if you have desires, you end up with regrets.
Tagore once wrote a poem: "to see the world clearly is to see yourself first."
the most important thing in dealing with the world is to put aside your prejudices against yourself.
Han Yuzhen is a famous table tennis player in the early stage of our country. She has excellent skills and has won many domestic competitions.
however, when she joined the team for the first time in the world championships, she began to worry about gains and losses and fell into extreme lack of self-confidence.
the night before the game, Han Yuzhen could not bear the psychological pressure, so she cut her wrist with a knife and falsely claimed that someone had stabbed her in order to escape the competition.
in the end, Han Yuzhen was removed from the national team after an investigation, which became the lowest point of her career.
later, the coach came to Han Yuzhen and enlightened her and said:
"Don't always think about whether you can do it or not, you have to think about how to beat who you are if you are someone else."
Han Yu-Chen suddenly felt that she was not qualified all the time, but she never analyzed herself and her opponent objectively from the perspective of a bystander.
as a result, she repeatedly watched the video of the game between herself and her main opponent and found that there was nothing remarkable about them compared to themselves.
Han Yuzhen gradually got out of her own negative thinking, continued to win many battles in various competitions, and finally successfully returned to the national team.
there is a saying in "know yourself and accept yourself": "to get out of yourself is the first step to recognize yourself."
when a person's cognition is limited to himself and lacks an objective measure from the outside to the inside, it is easy to get lost in the wrong self-judgment.
arrogance will lead to unnecessary failure, self-belittling, and life is full of mistakes and regrets.
only by jumping out of the self and examining yourself in the identity of others, with internal and external reference, the advantages and disadvantages of the individual will gradually become clear.
as the saying goes, the incumbent is confused, but the bystander is clear.
how confused life is, think of yourself as someone else, look at life from a different point of view, and look at yourself.
think of others as yourself
I have read this passage:
"you are a customer and think the merchant is profiteering; you are a businessman and complain that the customer is picky; you are a child and think your parents are verbose; you are a parent and blame your child for being naughty."
everyone clings to his own ways, so it is hard to tell right from wrong and resentment.
but most of the time, it is not the fault, but only from your own point of view.
on the contrary, learn to be considerate of others, and many seemingly inexplicable situations may be different.
writer Liu run shared such a story.
once when I was on a plane, I saw an old woman occupying someone else's window seat.
the passenger whose seat was occupied was a young man with a ticket in his hand and reasoned with the old woman and asked her to give up her seat.
in his opinion, it is only natural to take a seat according to the ticket number, but even if he says that his face is flushed, the old woman will not go, and she accuses him of not knowing how to sympathize with the elderly and insists on grabbing a seat by the window.
seeing that things were going to be so noisy as to call for flight attendants, Liu Run went up to the old woman and said:
"Auntie, do you know that if something happens to the plane, the airline collects the ashes according to the seat number?
if you sit here, when something really happens, your child will be able to worship others all day. "
when the old woman heard this, she didn't say a word and immediately returned to her seat.
this is true for many times in life.
when you stand in the position of others, you will find that many issues do not need to argue about winning or losing. As long as you follow the other person's way of thinking, the seemingly unsolvable contradictions will resolve themselves.
as the old saying goes, one is right and the other is right.
everyone has his own set of standards for what is right and what is wrong.
and the greatest wisdom in life is not to convince others of themselves, but to try to understand others.
think of yourself as others. Only by communicating with each other on the same frequency can we avoid falling into each other.In endless consumption.
treat others like others
actor Chen Daoming once said, "when a person is really mature, he understands that many things in the world have nothing to do with him."
in this world, you are always the only one who can cover for yourself.
under the banner of being good for each other, impose your own ideas on others, while changing others, you are also gradually pushing others away.
walk the world, do things as people wish, treat others as yourself; behave as people are, treat others as others.
Liu Yong's son Liu Xuan had a rebellious time and didn't want to study. He just wanted to be a race car driver like Schumacher.
for more than half a year, Liu Xuan did not listen to the class, did not hand in his homework, and watched the live broadcast of the car as soon as he was free.
but unlike most parents, Liu Yong did not hinder it, but encouraged his son: "Life is your own. I am not a director, but only an audience."
Liu Yong even asked his son to boldly get a zero score, so that the teacher could completely feel that he was not reading material, and Liu Yong could properly send him to learn racing.
in this way, Liu Xuan could not make up his mind to give up his studies completely and could not give a zero score in any case.
when his son struggled over and over again, Liu Yong did not interfere too much, but took care of himself in writing poetry, painting and studying music.
facts have proved that his son's enthusiasm for racing is not long, but Liu Yong's habit of studying every day exerts a subtle influence, which gradually makes his son realize the charm of reading.
for this reason, Liu Yong not only did not mess up the relationship with his children, but also successfully guided his children to restudy, and eventually was admitted to Harvard University, achieving a wonderful life.
this is true of growing up and young, and the same is true of dealing with people.
No matter how close you are, you can't live for each other. The only thing you can do is to be yourself.
there is a concept in Adler's psychology called "subject separation".
means to distinguish yourself from other people's life issues and focus on each other's lives.
this is not indifference and selfishness, but respecting each other's right to live independently and allowing each other to have their own space.
only by caring and being close to each other can a relationship last long and achieve each other.
think of yourself as yourself
go back to the original story.
hearing the first three words of the old man, the young man nodded thoughtfully.
only hearing the last sentence "think of yourself as yourself", the young man could not help frowning: "this sentence is too deep."
has the deepest meaning and the highest realm.
the Grandmaster mentions that there are three stages of life: to see heaven and earth, to see sentient beings, and to see yourself.
the essence of walking around the world and getting acquainted with others is to find the true self and see the value of the self.
people who really live and understand never cater to all kinds of voices, but know how to mute their lives.
Zhu Xun, the host of CCTV, can be described as "bent on going his own way" in the first half of his life.
the 15-year-old shot to fame with "Rock Girl", earning 10 times more than her parents' combined monthly salary.
fame and fortune are readily available, but in spite of public opposition, she traveled to Japan alone, washing dishes in the toilet while preparing for her major in the exam.
at the age of 27, she became the leading host of NHK Radio, but I heard that my mother's health was getting worse and worse, and despite the hard efforts of the Taiwan leaders to stay, she resolutely returned home for development.
at the age of 31, she is still single, and her relatives and friends worry that "as soon as a woman is over 30, she starts to be worth it."
marrying Wang Zhi, a journalist who is far less famous than her own, she doesn't care about all kinds of doubts and objections around her.
Zhu Xun, 48, who has hosted the Spring Festival Gala seven times, is the "first sister of CCTV" in the hearts of countless audiences, with a happy marriage and a complete family.
along the way, Zhu Xun never catered to anyone, but achieved a life appreciated by everyone.
Lin Yutang has a saying: "We should have the freedom to be ourselves and the courage to be ourselves."
No one lives like an island when he is alive. But even if there are many sentient beings, everyone still has his own rhythm and way of living.
in order to socialize with others, try to cater to the eyes of others, and eventually become the person you feel strange to.
only by keeping yourself in communication and in a comfortable rhythm can we live every stage of life without regrets.
the philosopher Nietzsche once said: "the gregarious soul world boasts, but will always be remembered, is different!"
when you stop defining yourself in the eyes of others and learn to put yourself into life, you will gradually live like the envy of adults.
the four words of the old man are not the four stages of life.
to think of yourself as others is to join the WTO with selflessness and let go of self-prejudice before you can clearly recognize yourself and see your goals.
to treat others as yourself is to be a compassionate person and think of others more from the point of view of others. With less unnecessary resentment, life will become comfortable and stable.
to treat others as others is to read the world with a transparent heart, respect each person's independence, let go of what is not determined by yourself, and focus on what you can change.
to think of yourself as yourself is to cultivate your nature with a free heart and keep yourself in the midst of numerous world events, so that you can live the life you really want.
in life, one nourishes the nature of the mind and practices the state of mind.
May you go out of yourself and see the greatness of heaven and earth and the breadth of sentient beings for the rest of your life.
come back half your life. May you be at ease and at ease. Take your time.
share with your friends.